I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
