I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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