Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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