apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and she was petting her beer can
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
