Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
