The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
