Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
