We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
