I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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