Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
