Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
