if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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