You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
