thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
