Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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