Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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