He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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