I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize