maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
