i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sarcasm needs its own font
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
