This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
