yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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