I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
