I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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