i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
