It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i now understand why vodka
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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