it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
