I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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