you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
