if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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