remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
