"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
