So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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