dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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