can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
