Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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