Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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