No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
