It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
