My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
