my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
