how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
