i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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