i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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