I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
