you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
