I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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