Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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