Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
