i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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