WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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