that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
