so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
