This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
