and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
