My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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