we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
