how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
