i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
