I checked into jail on foursquare
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
