New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
